theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
