If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
