Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
bring money and cleavage
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
