True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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