Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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