He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
