I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
