What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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