does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
