Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
