I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
