Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
