I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
