he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
