I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize