bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
