my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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