omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
