Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
