So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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