This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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