It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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