pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
