Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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