____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
