why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
