oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
