i don't like sucking hair
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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