it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
