Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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