I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
