omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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