i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
