its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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