I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Boobs are out for the taking
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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