All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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