well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My ass is underappreciated
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
