So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
