You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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