TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We are two peas in an std pod
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
