Apparently you make a good broom.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have aggressive nipples.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
