Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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