No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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