I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
