my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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