My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
