Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
