our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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