You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize