I wish i was in the wii world.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
