The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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