I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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