Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
