what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
