And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize