Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
