between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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