I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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