How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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