Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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