He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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