I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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