Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
