so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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