A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
