it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize