well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
