i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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