Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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