i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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