Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
