we have pet lesbian snakes
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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