I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
