Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
