wakey wakey hands off snakey
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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