he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
