Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
